Sunday, 5 May 2013

Weekly Musings Pt 5 : On Life and Settling .


I think making people choose what they want to do with the rest of their lives at the age of 17 or 18 is a huge ask. At that age, the large majority have spent their days stuck at school learning things that the education system told them they must learn. Your world basically consists of school, parents and friends. 

How much do you really know about the outside world?

My friends who knew what they wanted to do when they were 17 or 18, were all passionate about their chosen area. One friend chose law because her brother had gone on to study it and she liked the prospect of helping people. Another friend loved Economics at school, so he went on to do finance. They were all really disciplined people and they worked diligently towards their goals. Other friends were flexible enough to settle with whatever they got. 

Perhaps unfortunately, I wasn't any of these people. To clarify, I am disciplined and I work diligently towards goals. But those goals aren't necessarily my own. I am reluctant to commit time and effort to something I know that I have no interest in. Sure, family tried to convince me of what career path to take. They went to great lengths to tell me that Career X will allow me to make a lot of money and, by default, happy. Over the years, I've learnt that, that isn't necessarily true. 

Mo money, mo problems. Ya know what I mean...

Maybe it's me.

I subconsciously believe that the grass is always greener on the other side. Even more unfortunate is that I've always been right - the grass is always greener on the other side. I have this terrible habit of not being able to stay at the one place for a very long time. Mentally, I get restless and I have this constant need to be doing things that stimulate my brain.

Routine scares me and I disengage very easily. I like movement, I like seeing things and I like thinking about things. 

I am constantly told that the norm is just the norm - nothing more, nothing less. The norm isn't neccessarily correct, not neccessarily wrong. It all depends on perspective. My perspective is that what I have in front of me doesn't suit me. It doesn't suit my personality, my needs and my goals. 

In my mind, I have a picture of who I think I am, what I need in life and where I want to be. But I don't know how to get there. I honestly don't. I'm half scared that any wrong move I'll be screwed forever. 

Everytime I ask for a sign, I always get one that tells me to keep going with what I'm currently doing. It always tells me that what I do now is the safest option. But safe just doesn't cut it anymore. 

Neither does danger I guess. 

I like to think that this is pretty much me in a nutshell.

Which is terrible because it means I'm constantly changing up things and 'change' is a tiring process. So tiring that I'm wondering if it's really worth it at the end of the day!

I am that person who asks 'Why?' when they're being asked to settle. I am that person that goes, 'Why stop here? Why can't we take things one step further?'. People say that I have too much fire but I was never born to sit there and take it. If there's something better, I will say there's a better alternative out there. I guess the bad thing is that most people don't like the challenge.

To be honest, change is a difficult thing. I get that but my inability to deal with incompetency and inadequacy overrides my laziness.

Sometimes I feel like I'm allergic to commitment or settling, but when I'm being reasonable, the truth is I'm not. I'm just not willing to commit or settle to/with something/someone I don't believe in. There are so many possibilities in this world.
So the search continues. 


  1. "Don't finish crappy books" - I am so guilty of that! I feel like if I started something I have to finish it. I've got quite a collection of books that I bought on a whim but never started or finished and I'm trying to get through them all before buying more. But I think that I should just get rid of them and donate it to charity or something. No more wasting time on unnecessary stuff.

    Anyway I think people should live their life however they want. If settling is for you then do it, if not keep searching and all the best I'd say :)

  2. there's a real virtue to be found in loving challenges and always wanting more out of life. there are a lot of people who hate change and are too stubborn to try anything else, which you don't want to be like either! :P

    I think it's a good thing you're so passionate about change, but I hope you remember to appreciate all the things you have with the current situation. I just started full-time work and am eager to try out other paths- but there are so many benefits to my current job that it would be such a shame to let go so soon! xD

  3. I think that restlessness and that desire for change and the constant questioning of the 'norm'/status quo is something that most people actually don't have, which is why they're stuck in the very boring routine of their mundane lives. People basically slaving away at a job they hate just so they can live a little bit on the weekend, if living is going out to the same places and getting drunk. I don't know how people even come to find their "passion" or calling, or even construct a clear idea of what it is that they like to do, their future goals or even who they are as people. That all involves a lot of experience and self-awareness that most young people lack, because they are fed through a system of conformance and education and told by their parents and "society" what to think and do. Part of growing up is trying to question all of that, and to eventually find your feet on your own and develop some independence and idea of yourself. It's not easy but at least it's universal, and everyone struggles with it and copes with it one way or another. I wish you all the best in navigating the right path for you :)