Saturday, 25 February 2012

As the man, do you wait? As the woman, do you settle?

'You're beautiful.' he said with all the certainty he could muster. 

But instead of embarrassingly looking away or dismissing his claims out of flattery, she held his gaze and gave the most sorrowful smile he'd ever seen. As if to say, 'I know...But what does that mean in the scheme of things?'

And it was that sadness in her eyes that made him want to do the irrational.

He was willing to love her.

- - -

He was willing to love the female that he watched run at the slightest hint of commitment. He was willing to love the girl who ran from responsibility and chose freedom, even at the expense of owning the world's most beautiful material things.

He was willing to love the girl who he came to understand as the embodiment of unpredictability and mystery. How many times had he sat across from her in the tiny cafe sharing a cup of coffee and watched her leave without so much as a logical explanation?

How many times had he seen her small lips twitched into the sweetest and child-like smile and the next minute, reversed into a heart-shattering frown as her eyes flashed with a hurtful memory? His own heart had clenched everytime he saw her eyes lose its light and lustre, and it unconsciously made him angry at the memories that summoned such a painful sight on her face.

He was determined to love her. Love her until joy seeped into her eyes. Love her until her crisp, genuine laughter filtered through the air everywhere she went. 

He was willing to be her anchor. He was willing to anchor her.

He was willing to offer her his name, everything in his name, his protection, care and adoration. He  was willing to offer her the world.

He was going to give her whatever it was neccessary to make her stay. To make her stay with him.

- - -

But she's flighty. Whimsical. Fickle.
You can see it in her eyes that she's restless. All she wants to do is be free.
Physically. Artistically. Intellectually.

Her friends say she's like a bird. 

And a caged bird doesn't sing.

- - -

As the man, do you wait for her? Do you wait for someone who does not know when they will return, when they will want to settle down and when they will want to open their heart to you?

Do you wait for someone who will probably never want to come back, never want to settle down or never want to open their heart to you?

But you cannot deny being enthralled by her. Every moment with her is sensory overload and it is so easy to become intoxicated by her. Your senses have unconsciously memorised every essential inch of her: her face, her body, hair, long pointy fingers, elegant ankles, sweet smell, feminine mannerisms...

Everything that makes her a woman suffocates you into wanting nothing but her.

- - -

And as the woman, do you settle with him? Do you drop everything to be with a man who loves you this much? This is a man who is willing to give you his all. This is a good man who is willing to love you for all your ludicrous flaws. Where are you going to find a gentleman like this again?

He could give you the world and his only condition is that you stay by his side.
But you are a woman scorned from past experiences. You constantly live in the darkness. You mourn lost opportunities, you cry for past failures and carry the scars of rejection everywhere you go. 
Life has become a mighty effort. And for what reason? Because you chose and continue to choose to pursue your dreams. 

Your dreams. I'm talking about the dreams that you have dreamt for half your life. Dreams that cannot seem to come true no matter what you do. But nonetheless, dreams that are so attractive that regardless of how many failures, you find yourself manically chasing after them.
It is this undying spirit that you, as this woman, instinctively know helped piqued the man's interest in you. It is your stubbornness to take the artistic and flighty route that has made you different and attractive. 

But surely, a flighty nature and creative tendencies cannot hold the attention of a man for life. At some point in time, he will abandon you because you are too flighty and vague. He will become frustrated with your inability to decide, commit and see through things.
At that point, this man might abandon you. 
And as this woman, you fear abandonment more than not being able to fulfill your dream.

- - -

As the man, do you wait?

- - -

As the woman, do you settle?


  1. Hmmm bad timing? Well I don't know they say if it is meant to be it is meant to be so maybe not now but later? One never knows and love has a funny way of working this I've been told!

  2. Maybe it's not the right time if someone has to make a sacrifice? But love is a confusing and complicated matter. If someone does make the sacrifice that is not to say they won't work things out and make things work in the long run. Things can start out as perfect but end in tears...

  3. hard question.. I guess you compromise? I think you have describe it quite correctly about women.. they are flighty kind of creatures!

  4. Lets be spinsters forever. I'll buy you a cat and a bottle of vodka. Things usually make sense after 10 shots.

  5. Are you a Gemini? your situation (if it is) kinda sounds just like mines. :) in my situation, he cared enough even when I was flighty, though he was miserable when I was. Even now, I feel not liberated-- perhaps due to intellectual differences/backgrounds and goals... Otherwise, he is quite supportive!