Thursday, 19 May 2011

Today



Camera tripod.
Sasatinnie foundation brush.
Nokia E71
Zebra Airfit
Clinique Superbalanced Make up in 04 Cream Chamois
Clinique mirror
Keyboard
Microphone
Lyrics of Jolin Tsai's 'Heard That Love Came By' in Pin Yin and Translation form


The stage is a special place. It is the place where only the charismatic survive. Those who stand on it are not required to be the most talented in the world, but they must have a confident and mysterious air about them. These creatures use their voices, bodies and gazes to tempt and evoke emotions from the audience.

No matter how much I try to appear confident, the moment I grasp an unfamiliar microphone and stand on a foreign platform, my judgement seems to get clouded. Fear, indecision and reluctance greet me like old friends. The results are always disappointing.

Perhaps I am too needy. I want the stage to be on my side. I want it to help me fulfill my dreams - let me just have one perfect performance. Please. I beg of you. I guess the stage doesn't like dependent people like me. It, too, must like those capable, mystifying types who dominate without seeking permission. 

If only I had this type of personality.

The audience always claps but I can never hear or memorise how they sound. All I do remember is how my heart shatters after I present them with a smile and a bow. I remember how I must continue this smile until I get home. I remember how I wear this smile all the way into the shower, where I let tears meld with water.

No matter how many times I tell myself to give up. . .no matter how many times I tell myself that it just hurts too much. . .no matter how many times I tell myself that I can and should be doing something else with my time. . .

No matter what excuses my brain comes up with, my heart finds a reason to go on.

The stage really is a special place.

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